Who spoke first? It’s Him!
I have tried hypnotherapy several times. I had some improvement but still felt unwell and breathless sometimes. The good side was at least I could take MTR and go where I wanted to go. However, a brother from church told me not to continue with this therapy. I felt difficult to make the decision to quit, since it had helped me to gain some improvement. If I had to quit, what other therapies should I pursue afterwards? I also didn’t know how to explain to the therapist.
To my big surprise, my therapist said to me during the next visit,
“ I do not know how I can continue to help you. I have tried many different ways trying to find out the “ friend” who was buried deeply in your heart. But I couldn’t find it and it is just still hiding. “
So I could continue to say,
“ yes, I can understand. May be I need to try other therapies…… “
I believed this is God’s arrangement which made it easier for me to quit.
I am very thankful to this therapist. I appreciated her a lot for helping me, not out of money. We are still friends now and we will catch up with each other from time to time via email.
Medication isn’t Always Bad
Later, I went to a doctor who was recommended by the brother in my church. He said that she was very experienced in handling emotional illness.
She was a very sincere and friendly doctor. She asked me,
“How are you? What can I do to help you? “
“ I almost cannot breath all the time. I had body check already and nothing wrong could be found. I came here because my brother said that you might be able to help me. But please, I will not take any medication… “
“From your insistence not to take medication, it is clear to me that you know quite well about them… “
She said very gently,
“ Do you know your situation is very bad now? Not to say what you want to do in the future, I can see that you have lost the ability to even take care of your daily life now. I learnt from your brother that you have lots of problems. But what I can see now is, your problems have already affected your physical health seriously. Therefore, certain kind of medication is needed for you, at least, to deal with the trouble in front of us now. “
I was moved. So I agreed to try medication again. In this first meeting, she spent most of the time in understanding my history. As long as I left her clinic, I took the medicine right away at the lobby of the building. Of course, I was very familiar with these various kinds of pills. The dosage she gave was much less than before.
But very surprisingly, I started to feel different within just 10 minutes. I felt I had regained some power to continue my life, and could take the MTR to where I wanted! I thought this must be a sign from God that I had found the right doctor!
Guess how I felt at this moment. Should I be happy? No, not at all. I thought, “ Oh! Medication again! “ My experience told me these medications would not be effective for long. I might need to take heavier and heavier dosage eventually. That was why I was so reluctant towards taking medication.
During our second meeting, the doctor said,
” You are really special and I am very happy to know you. The thing I don’t understand is, how could you stop all medication at one time, given that your dosage by that time was so heavy ? I really don’t understand how you could resist the pain caused by the withdrawal effect! “
I just said to her, “ It was with the power of Jesus! “
No More Rejection
She also played some games with me, which led me to express the “friend “which was with me all the time.
“ I can understand that your life is very hard. But you have to remember, you are not the only one who has this problem. You are not alone. “ This was what she told me.
“ Some negative emotions can be signs from our hearts, telling us that there are things that we need to deal with. May be it is telling us to take a rest, or may be to face something we always try to avoid. “
“ I will be caught within bad emotions sometimes too. I will relax myself, adjust the gray colour inside my heart and turn it into some brighter colours, and hold on to a secure feeling to live every moment in my life. “
In another meeting, she said, “your situation is much better than before. How are you feeling now? Can you accept that you are ill? “ “ I don’t really mind that I am sick, only if we can insist not to increase the dosage, then that will be fine with me.”
Put it Aside to Discover More
Our conversation would not touch directly on my friend. Instead, we talked a lot about other things. I discovered that if we try to think from another angle, things could be very different. I learnt not to think or guess too much about the outcomes, but to try things out and see what the outcomes actually are.
I also learnt more about inter personal relationship. As for myself, I have learnt not to put too much of my attention on other people or on my work. Instead, I have learnt to treat myself well.
I am still seeing this doctor now. Thank God that I had really learnt a lot through meeting with her.
Everytime when she saw me, she would say, “Are you ready? “
And I would say, “ Not yet! “
What were we talking about then? As she could see that I am recovering very well, she recommended me to reduce the dosage of the medicine I am taking. But I am not ready for this yet.
What I could gain from this doctor was all blessings from God.
Next chapter. Who is my friend? Can I get rid of it? Is this the end of the story? Why do I have to give this testimony?
Next Chapter: Seize the Day!
Mr. Ice Cream
誰先開口 竟然是衪
做了幾次催眠治療後，也幫助了我不少，雖然時不時還有窒息的感覺，但已經可以逐漸乘搭地鐵等交通工具。但此時弟兄卻又勸我不要再進行這種治療，我的心很矛盾，因這治療不多不少也幫到我，若不再繼續，之後又可以怎樣呢？我也不知怎樣開口跟治療師解釋。
怎知，在我作最後一次催眠治療之後，治療師竟然突然說：『其實我還有什麼可以幫你呢？我一直嘗試用不同方法，去找出在你心中的那位朋友是什麼回事，可惜它始終隱藏着，到現在也始終找不到！』 於是我便可以隨即的說：『是的，我做完今次的治療後，下次不會再來啦，我會嘗試別的治療的。』 這都是神的安排！
我很多謝這位治療師，她是全心想幫助我的，不是為了金錢而去作的，所以現在我和她也是朋友，久不久也會通電郵問候一下的。
『唔到我唔服』
之後我約見了一位陳醫生，是弟兄叫我去嘗試看看的，弟兄說她不是掛正門牌是精神科醫生，但她對情緒上的疾病很有經驗，所以我提起了興趣去見這位醫生。
第一次見到她，她說：『你怎樣啊，有什麼可以幫到你？』我說：『我呼吸困難，但經醫生檢查的結果，証明身體沒問題的。我來看你是因弟兄的介紹，說你可能可以幫到我的。不過，我不會服用某一種精神科藥物的……』她說：『你這樣堅持不服用某種藥物，看來你已對這類藥物有了一定的理解。』
她的聲線很輕地說：『你知不知你現在的情況已經很壞，不要說日後你想做什麼，我看你現在的情況，你已失去了應付你自己身體的能力。我聽說你心理上有很多問題，但現在我看到的，是心理方面已影響了你的身體，所以，有某種藥物是你應該去服用的，最起碼要解決你現在的情況…..』
我被她的誠意打動了，我便接受了她關於藥物方面的建議。在這第一次的見面，她用了一些時間去了解我的過去，見面之後，我下到了大廈的大堂，便立時服用她開的藥物。當然，是我所熟識的藥物啦，但比較我之前服用的份量輕了很多，但奇妙的是，大約十分鐘左右，我已感覺到不同了，我竟感到有了一些力量去繼續我的人生，亦可以很自在地乘搭地鐵去我想去的地方！
這刻我的感覺是開心嗎？又不是的，因為我這的想法是，又要靠這些藥物去解決？我有了經驗，有一些藥物是日子久了會失去效用的，而且份量只會越來越重，我一直寧願堅持去嘗試不同治療的原因也是如此。
在第二次見面時，她說：『其實你真是很特別，我很高興認識到你。我不明白的，就是之前的醫生把你的藥量一次過減去一半，其實對你當時的狀態，是很不合適的。之後你又能夠一次過停用所有藥物，更是令我百思不得其解。我真的想問，那時你怎樣能夠抵擋得住的？』我說：『是靠主耶穌的力量。』
從抗拒到接受
她又再和我玩一些遊戲，叫我用一些物件和道具，去嘗試把我內心那時常解決不了的那位『朋友』表達出來。
又有一次會面，她說：『你的處境，我絕對明白，你的過去真的難行一點，但你一定要記住，你不是世上唯一有這樣的問題的人。』
『你這種情緒問題，是對於一些預計不到的事情，也不會有答案的事情，偏偏很想找出答案，從小時候起，那些你遇過的很多負面的際遇，都激發起你內心深處，時常想去找出答案。』
『我明白你不是出於自願去想的，但久而久之，它已變成了你生活的一部份。』
『其實每一個人都會有感到不安、灰心的時候。一些表面似乎不能解釋的負面情緒的出現，其實也意味着你內心的深處，可能要給你一些訊號，可能是叫你休息，又或者是要你去面對一些一直不想面對的事。』
『我也有被一些負面情緒攻擊的時候，在這時，我會放鬆自己，把灰色的內心調整為光輝，和找緊安穩的感覺去活好每一刻。』
在另一次的會面當中，她說：『你現在的情況比起第一次見你時，已好了很多，你接受到你的病嗎？』我說：『我的病，我又不太在意，只不過現在要靠一些藥物去支撐住，而藥量是很輕的，這樣我可以接受到，只要堅持不要加重藥量，其實問題也不大的。』
別管那『朋友』 反而發現了更多
之後幾次的見面，我和她每次的話題都不會直接談那位『朋友』的。反而，我們談了很多其他事情，我領悟到，凡事若從不同角度去想，可以是很不一樣的，所以不要單憑直覺就判斷或預計事情的結果，很多事情一定要嘗試，才會知道真正的結果！
她也和我討論與人相處之道，使我在這方面可以做得更好。
而我又明白到，不要把全副精神投放在工作和幫助別人身上，這樣會給自己很大壓力的，所以要留一些空間去善待自己。
現在，我仍有看這位醫生，而每次的話題都不一，在這治療中我學到了很多，而每次她也會說：『你Ready未？』我會說：『未啊！』其實我們在說什麼呢？就是陳醫生看我的情況一直急速向好，雖然現在服用的藥量和我以前的相比，只有五分之一，但她仍然認為可以把我的藥量再減少，但我還沒有心理準備，我想保持着現在安穩的情況，所以暫時我還不想減藥。
我從這醫生的治療和輔導中得着的，一切都是神的安排！
下一集預告：我的朋友是誰呢？怎樣可以解決它？故事是否完結呢？我還有多少路要走？我說出我的故事的目的是甚麼？
下一集，別問我 是誰，活好每一天！
兵奇臨
