Elim Youth Space Digital Make Up Class以琳靑年空間 數碼化妝班
Come and learn how to use Photoshop to edit photos.
Date : 3 March
Time : 7:00 PM
Venue : Elim Church, Shatin
Enquiry & Application : Steven Ng
快啲嚟參加啦！
Lamma Island Fun Day和暖季節中的南丫島一日遊
The warm weather on 26Feb was a blessing to everyone of us. We booked a boat and went to Lamma Island on that day. Stopped at seafood restaurant for lunch first, then walked up the hills and treasure hunt for Bible scriptures ! Special thanks to Activities Team for their arrangement ! More photos will be posted in ” Photo Gallery “.
很 感 恩 2 月 26 日 的 天 氣 很 好 呀！在 持 續 寒 冷 又 陰 天 的 一 段 日 子 後，能 在 溫 暖 的 陽 光 下 在 山 上 走 走 ，真 快 呀 ！ 多 謝 活 動 組 悉 心 籌 劃 ，不 但 有 美 味 海 鮮 餐，還 有 野 外 經 文 尋 寶 遊 戲 ，好 玩 啊！
圖 片 庫 將 會 有 當 日 更 多 的 照 片 ！別 忘 記 看 看 啊 ！
(11) The Doctor別問我 是誰11 – 不一樣的醫生
Who spoke first? It’s Him!
I have tried hypnotherapy several times. I had some improvement but still felt unwell and breathless sometimes. The good side was at least I could take MTR and go where I wanted to go. However, a brother from church told me not to continue with this therapy. I felt difficult to make the decision to quit, since it had helped me to gain some improvement. If I had to quit, what other therapies should I pursue afterwards? I also didn’t know how to explain to the therapist.
To my big surprise, my therapist said to me during the next visit,
“ I do not know how I can continue to help you. I have tried many different ways trying to find out the “ friend” who was buried deeply in your heart. But I couldn’t find it and it is just still hiding. “
So I could continue to say,
“ yes, I can understand. May be I need to try other therapies…… “
I believed this is God’s arrangement which made it easier for me to quit.
I am very thankful to this therapist. I appreciated her a lot for helping me, not out of money. We are still friends now and we will catch up with each other from time to time via email.
Medication isn’t Always Bad
Later, I went to a doctor who was recommended by the brother in my church. He said that she was very experienced in handling emotional illness.
She was a very sincere and friendly doctor. She asked me,
“How are you? What can I do to help you? “
“ I almost cannot breath all the time. I had body check already and nothing wrong could be found. I came here because my brother said that you might be able to help me. But please, I will not take any medication… “
“From your insistence not to take medication, it is clear to me that you know quite well about them… “
She said very gently,
“ Do you know your situation is very bad now? Not to say what you want to do in the future, I can see that you have lost the ability to even take care of your daily life now. I learnt from your brother that you have lots of problems. But what I can see now is, your problems have already affected your physical health seriously. Therefore, certain kind of medication is needed for you, at least, to deal with the trouble in front of us now. “
I was moved. So I agreed to try medication again. In this first meeting, she spent most of the time in understanding my history. As long as I left her clinic, I took the medicine right away at the lobby of the building. Of course, I was very familiar with these various kinds of pills. The dosage she gave was much less than before.
But very surprisingly, I started to feel different within just 10 minutes. I felt I had regained some power to continue my life, and could take the MTR to where I wanted! I thought this must be a sign from God that I had found the right doctor!
Guess how I felt at this moment. Should I be happy? No, not at all. I thought, “ Oh! Medication again! “ My experience told me these medications would not be effective for long. I might need to take heavier and heavier dosage eventually. That was why I was so reluctant towards taking medication.
During our second meeting, the doctor said,
” You are really special and I am very happy to know you. The thing I don’t understand is, how could you stop all medication at one time, given that your dosage by that time was so heavy ? I really don’t understand how you could resist the pain caused by the withdrawal effect! “
I just said to her, “ It was with the power of Jesus! “
No More Rejection
She also played some games with me, which led me to express the “friend “which was with me all the time.
“ I can understand that your life is very hard. But you have to remember, you are not the only one who has this problem. You are not alone. “ This was what she told me.
“ Some negative emotions can be signs from our hearts, telling us that there are things that we need to deal with. May be it is telling us to take a rest, or may be to face something we always try to avoid. “
“ I will be caught within bad emotions sometimes too. I will relax myself, adjust the gray colour inside my heart and turn it into some brighter colours, and hold on to a secure feeling to live every moment in my life. “
In another meeting, she said, “your situation is much better than before. How are you feeling now? Can you accept that you are ill? “ “ I don’t really mind that I am sick, only if we can insist not to increase the dosage, then that will be fine with me.”
Put it Aside to Discover More
Our conversation would not touch directly on my friend. Instead, we talked a lot about other things. I discovered that if we try to think from another angle, things could be very different. I learnt not to think or guess too much about the outcomes, but to try things out and see what the outcomes actually are.
I also learnt more about inter personal relationship. As for myself, I have learnt not to put too much of my attention on other people or on my work. Instead, I have learnt to treat myself well.
I am still seeing this doctor now. Thank God that I had really learnt a lot through meeting with her.
Everytime when she saw me, she would say, “Are you ready? “
And I would say, “ Not yet! “
What were we talking about then? As she could see that I am recovering very well, she recommended me to reduce the dosage of the medicine I am taking. But I am not ready for this yet.
What I could gain from this doctor was all blessings from God.
Next chapter. Who is my friend? Can I get rid of it? Is this the end of the story? Why do I have to give this testimony?
Next Chapter: Seize the Day!
Mr. Ice Cream
誰先開口 竟然是衪
做了幾次催眠治療後，也幫助了我不少，雖然時不時還有窒息的感覺，但已經可以逐漸乘搭地鐵等交通工具。但此時弟兄卻又勸我不要再進行這種治療，我的心很矛盾，因這治療不多不少也幫到我，若不再繼續，之後又可以怎樣呢？我也不知怎樣開口跟治療師解釋。
怎知，在我作最後一次催眠治療之後，治療師竟然突然說：『其實我還有什麼可以幫你呢？我一直嘗試用不同方法，去找出在你心中的那位朋友是什麼回事，可惜它始終隱藏着，到現在也始終找不到！』 於是我便可以隨即的說：『是的，我做完今次的治療後，下次不會再來啦，我會嘗試別的治療的。』 這都是神的安排！
我很多謝這位治療師，她是全心想幫助我的，不是為了金錢而去作的，所以現在我和她也是朋友，久不久也會通電郵問候一下的。
『唔到我唔服』
之後我約見了一位陳醫生，是弟兄叫我去嘗試看看的，弟兄說她不是掛正門牌是精神科醫生，但她對情緒上的疾病很有經驗，所以我提起了興趣去見這位醫生。
第一次見到她，她說：『你怎樣啊，有什麼可以幫到你？』我說：『我呼吸困難，但經醫生檢查的結果，証明身體沒問題的。我來看你是因弟兄的介紹，說你可能可以幫到我的。不過，我不會服用某一種精神科藥物的……』她說：『你這樣堅持不服用某種藥物，看來你已對這類藥物有了一定的理解。』
她的聲線很輕地說：『你知不知你現在的情況已經很壞，不要說日後你想做什麼，我看你現在的情況，你已失去了應付你自己身體的能力。我聽說你心理上有很多問題，但現在我看到的，是心理方面已影響了你的身體，所以，有某種藥物是你應該去服用的，最起碼要解決你現在的情況…..』
我被她的誠意打動了，我便接受了她關於藥物方面的建議。在這第一次的見面，她用了一些時間去了解我的過去，見面之後，我下到了大廈的大堂，便立時服用她開的藥物。當然，是我所熟識的藥物啦，但比較我之前服用的份量輕了很多，但奇妙的是，大約十分鐘左右，我已感覺到不同了，我竟感到有了一些力量去繼續我的人生，亦可以很自在地乘搭地鐵去我想去的地方！
這刻我的感覺是開心嗎？又不是的，因為我這的想法是，又要靠這些藥物去解決？我有了經驗，有一些藥物是日子久了會失去效用的，而且份量只會越來越重，我一直寧願堅持去嘗試不同治療的原因也是如此。
在第二次見面時，她說：『其實你真是很特別，我很高興認識到你。我不明白的，就是之前的醫生把你的藥量一次過減去一半，其實對你當時的狀態，是很不合適的。之後你又能夠一次過停用所有藥物，更是令我百思不得其解。我真的想問，那時你怎樣能夠抵擋得住的？』我說：『是靠主耶穌的力量。』
從抗拒到接受
她又再和我玩一些遊戲，叫我用一些物件和道具，去嘗試把我內心那時常解決不了的那位『朋友』表達出來。
又有一次會面，她說：『你的處境，我絕對明白，你的過去真的難行一點，但你一定要記住，你不是世上唯一有這樣的問題的人。』
『你這種情緒問題，是對於一些預計不到的事情，也不會有答案的事情，偏偏很想找出答案，從小時候起，那些你遇過的很多負面的際遇，都激發起你內心深處，時常想去找出答案。』
『我明白你不是出於自願去想的，但久而久之，它已變成了你生活的一部份。』
『其實每一個人都會有感到不安、灰心的時候。一些表面似乎不能解釋的負面情緒的出現，其實也意味着你內心的深處，可能要給你一些訊號，可能是叫你休息，又或者是要你去面對一些一直不想面對的事。』
『我也有被一些負面情緒攻擊的時候，在這時，我會放鬆自己，把灰色的內心調整為光輝，和找緊安穩的感覺去活好每一刻。』
在另一次的會面當中，她說：『你現在的情況比起第一次見你時，已好了很多，你接受到你的病嗎？』我說：『我的病，我又不太在意，只不過現在要靠一些藥物去支撐住，而藥量是很輕的，這樣我可以接受到，只要堅持不要加重藥量，其實問題也不大的。』
別管那『朋友』 反而發現了更多
之後幾次的見面，我和她每次的話題都不會直接談那位『朋友』的。反而，我們談了很多其他事情，我領悟到，凡事若從不同角度去想，可以是很不一樣的，所以不要單憑直覺就判斷或預計事情的結果，很多事情一定要嘗試，才會知道真正的結果！
她也和我討論與人相處之道，使我在這方面可以做得更好。
而我又明白到，不要把全副精神投放在工作和幫助別人身上，這樣會給自己很大壓力的，所以要留一些空間去善待自己。
現在，我仍有看這位醫生，而每次的話題都不一，在這治療中我學到了很多，而每次她也會說：『你Ready未？』我會說：『未啊！』其實我們在說什麼呢？就是陳醫生看我的情況一直急速向好，雖然現在服用的藥量和我以前的相比，只有五分之一，但她仍然認為可以把我的藥量再減少，但我還沒有心理準備，我想保持着現在安穩的情況，所以暫時我還不想減藥。
我從這醫生的治療和輔導中得着的，一切都是神的安排！
下一集預告：我的朋友是誰呢？怎樣可以解決它？故事是否完結呢？我還有多少路要走？我說出我的故事的目的是甚麼？
下一集，別問我 是誰，活好每一天！
兵奇臨
Elim Youth Space Music Productions Seminar以琳靑年空間 音樂創作概念課程
Want to produce your own CD or learn more about music productions ? This seminar will introduce the basic concepts to you.
Date : 12th March 2011
Time : 8:00-9:30pm
Venue : Elim Church, Shatin
Enquiry & Application : Steven Ng
Elim Youth Space ( Bass & Drum )以琳青年空間 組Band學堂
Come and learn to play bass and drum at Elim Youth Space.
Date : 12 Feb, 19 Feb, 26 Feb ( Saturdays )
Venue : Elim Church, Shatin
Enquiry : Steven
查詢及報名 : Steven
(10) The Maze別問我 是誰 10 -死亡的迷宮
How does it feel if you are living in a maze? I was wandering every day. But I did not want this situation to continue. I wanted to do something. I would try anything which some people said might work. I could not see any future. I thought I should do what I wanted to do as quickly as possible.
Terror Attack, Anytime, Anywhere
So I went on a trip with my family. Under the quiet and beautiful sea, I was very happy diving there.
But suddenly, an idea came into my mind. “ What if I could not breath now, will I just die here in the middle of the sea? “ The panic attack just hit me within one second. I was thrown into fear. I was very far away from the shore, having panic attack in the middle of the sea.
The only thing I could do was to cry out to God in my heart. I struggled and struggled and finally reached the shore.
A few months later when I was at work, I felt very anxious. So I called the brother to pray with me over the phone. After a while, I started to feel very difficult to breath. I almost suffocated and I resorted to ask my colleague to send me to the hospital.
In the emergency room, I was very painful. I could hardly breath. My legs and arms could not move at all. I could feel nothing at all. I could not open my mouth nor speak.
I cried out to God in my heart. I thought, “ may be this is the time that I had to leave “. I could do nothing but quietly wait for God to receive my soul.
A scripture was repeating in my mind over and over again, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.”
My eyes started to close. It would be over very soon, everything would be over very soon ….
After a while, I found I was awake! I was still alive! I was not dead!
What the doctor explained was “ stress “ and told me to relax. However, this breathless feeling had never leave me. It was with me all the time.
Later, I was diagnosed with claustrophobia. One time when I was travelling on the MTR, the phobia attacked me. I was so panic that I had to leave the MTR to get some fresh air otherwise I might suffocate again. I could only travel by taxi for the rest of the journey!
I could not get into the elevator also. I had to struggle many times before I could go into it. But when the door was about to close, I was so panic that I jumped out again.
The Maze in the Death Valley
This situation get worst and worst. Not to say to travel on any vehicle, I actually could not find the courage to leave home. I could not go to work. I felt very difficult to breath even when I was at home. I had a thorough body check but nothing was wrong with my body physically.
What else could I do? It was impossible to endure such a life anymore. If there could be any means, which might give me some little hope of improvement, I would try.
When I look back now, I can see that I have tried something which did not worth trying. But at that time, I told myself that I must not give up. Why?
Firstly, I want my family to believe in Jesus too. Secondly, I am a Christian and I know that Christian should not suicide. Thirdly, I believed that there must be some reasons why God still has not taken my life. There must be something that He wants me to do.
I share this with you because I want you to know that you are not alone. In the darkest moments of our lives, no matter how hard we tried, there seems to be no solution at all. But, only if you do not give up, you will finally find a way out.
Driving out Evil Spirit, Nutritional Therapy, Hypnotherapy
It was God’s arrangement that I could meet a Christian lady who taught other Christians to drive out evil spirits. When she met with me, she said,
“ I believe this is God’s arrangement that I can meet you here today. Normally I will not meet with clients directly and I am not in Hong Kong for the most of my time. I am here because I need to attend a funeral. After the funeral I have to fly back immediately. I asked God if I should meet with you. And He told me to do so…. “
She prayed with me and immediately I vomited some liquid. She reminded me to remember some Bible scriptures. She told me whenever I feel wrong, I should use these scriptures to resist the devil. I believed that with God’s power, she could help me drive out all evil spirits. However, “ my friend “ was still affecting me from time to time, making me difficult to breath.
I was very confused. I could not distinguish whether it was the evil spirit, which made me ill, or I was actually emotionally ill myself.
A sister recommended a nutritional therapist to me. Since I had no other choice, I went and tried. The doctor used various kinds of vitamins to help his patients. He said my problem was caused by the accumulation of poisonous substances (such as heavy metal absorbed from polluted food) inside my body. The charges were very high. Later, however, I found that the doctor used the same therapy for all different kinds of patients. No matter if they were suffering from cancer, mental illness, or mentally retarded. He always recommended me to try other detoxification methods which were very expensive, and any ordinary people would find it impossible to afford in a long run. However, what he said to me was, “ What is more important? Your money or your body? “ I said to myself, “ Shall I trust this doctor? “ And I didn’t go there anymore.
I found out from the web that hypnotherapy might help. And I tried too. This helped me to relax and I felt comfortable after a few times.
The therapist wanted to help me to find out who “ my friend” was. She was very sincere and what she did for me was not for money. She even charged me less.
In one of those therapies, when I was “ asleep”, I met my grandparents, who passed away many years ago. They were smiling at me with a very peaceful smile. They said to me, “ yes, you are a good boy. We know that you have tried very hard. Hang on and do not give up. We fully understand. “ I was very touched and I cried and cried.
However, a brother told me that Christians should not try such therapy. Because the evil spirits could enter you when you were in a total relax condition.
I struggled very hard on this issue because I thought this therapy was helping me. How could I explain to the therapist that I would not come again?
Next chapter: I was thinking about how to explain to my therapist that I would not come again. But what she said gave me big surprise. I understood that this is God’s arrangement. The brother recommended me to another doctor. This doctor led me into another stage, and helped me to find out who “ my friend “ was……
Chapter 11 The Doctor
Mr. Ice Cream
活在迷宮中的感覺是如何的？就是終日傍徨，但又不甘心如此，所以不斷去找出路。看見似是有點曙光，就告訴自己只要有一線希望，都要試試。但走下去，卻似乎每條都是死胡同！還有，在看不見末來的情況下，也只好盡快完成一件一直都想做的事，就是和家人一起去旅行。
隨時隨地的恐怖襲擊
在寧靜美麗的海底下，我的心情也很愉快，可是，我的腦海又遭到突襲，『萬一我不能呼吸，會就此死在這裏嗎？』一秒之間，我就好像從世外桃源，突然掉進恐懼的深淵！那種恐懼一直抓着我，我又置身大海中，離岸很遠，真的很痛苦，我只有一直在內心向神祈求，幾經掙扎，才能懷着『死就死吧！』的信念，捱回岸邊！
過了幾個月，有一天在工作的時候，我突然感到很不安，都不知是『朋友』還是邪靈作怪，我只好立刻通知弟兄在電話中和我禱告，繼而呼吸更開始越來越困難，我唯有找同事陪我進醫院。 我在醫院中不斷發出痛苦的聲音，我就快窒息了，半身已失去感覺，手腳也動不了，我祈求神的幫助，但沒有好轉，我當時想，可能是時候了，可能要離開這世界了…..而我的口也繃緊了，全身都失去感覺，什麼都做不到，只好靜靜的待主接回了，在我腦中只有一句話，不斷的重覆着：『復活在我，生命也在我，信我的人，雖然死了，也必復活』…之後我的眼睛開始慢慢合上，我也完全失去知覺，一切都要完結了…….
不久，我醒了，竟然還在世上！而醫生的解釋是『精神緊張』！但這種呼吸困難的感覺沒有離開我，而我不論何時，都有機會出現這種情況。
這段日子中，我更患上了『隱蔽空間恐懼症』。有一次，我乘地鐵，但只乘了一個站，便感到呼吸困難，竟要立刻『逃出』車廂，跑回地面呼吸新鮮空氣，之後的路程只好再乘的士前往！
我竟然又不敢入升降機，掙扎了很久才能入去了，卻又在臨關門之際，害怕得衝出來，來來回回好幾次，又提醒自己好像潛水時，『死就死吧！』，這樣才能乘十幾秒！
我一起床便感覺呼吸困難，無論對所有人和事，都完全失去了興趣。
視覺上也出現了奇怪的現象，就是所看到的物件，不論是天空或高樓大廈，所有眼晴所見到的，都失去了立體感，看到的只是一幅一幅的平面圖，感覺好像生存在一個完全陌生的地方似的！感覺真是很恐怖！每一天都很難捱！這樣的日子，我還可以撐多久呢？
谷底中的迷宮
後來，這情況更繼續惡化，不要說乘車，連出門都是問題，這樣，造成生活上、工作上極大的不便和困擾，亦把我推進了只要能活着，甚麼方法都要試試的谷底。我的情況真的是沒可能捱下去，不要說上班，連在家中，我都感到呼吸困難，但醫生又說我身體健康，詳細的身體檢查也做過了。這樣我還可做什麼？什麼治療我也試過，我失敗了好多好多次，亦花費了很多的金錢，但人總是不可放棄自己啊！雖然現在回想起來，都覺得走了些寃枉路，但我只能不放棄，和繼續去面對！原因是，一是我的家人還在，我希望他們都可以一起信主。二是我信了主，我要努力活下去；三是，若神我要死去，都應『死了很多次』，但我今天還在，我相信應是有些事情，是神要我要去做的，雖然我還未知道是甚麼，但我確是這樣想的。
我分享這些，是想讓有類似遭遇的朋友知道，你不是孤單的，在谷底中的谷底，我們如一隻無助的螞蟻，走在似乎沒完沒了的迷宮中，在最黑暗的日子裏，無論你怎樣努力，碰到的都是牆壁。但只要你不放棄，總會有一天像我一樣走出迷宮的！
趕鬼、營養治療、催眠
在神奇妙的安排下，我能約見一位很資深的基督徒，她一見面就說：『這次和你見面，是神的安排，我一般是不會直接見病人的，因我多不在香港，今次回港只是辦理白事才回來的，而且還趕着有很多的事情去做。我亦有問過神，是否應接見你呢？神說是的。我和你見面後，便會立刻離開香港了。但神亦安排了我在這兒和你見面……』
她和我祈禱，很快我便覺得渾身不自在，並吐出了一些液體。後來她着我緊記幾句聖經的經文，當有攻擊時，用金句去抵抗它，什麼邪靈也不能傷害我。我相信靠着神的大能，絕對可把邪靈趕走。但我內心那位『朋友』好像一有時間便來『探訪』我，而呼吸困難的感覺也仍然存在。
所以，當時的我很混亂，我根本沒可能分辨到是邪靈引致的，還是我自己有病。我現在回想起來，相信是多年來受着邪靈的騷擾，以致在精神上形成了嚴重的壓力和困擾。
後來有位姊妹介紹我去看一個醫生，他用的是營養治療法，用維他命或其他營養素幫助身體排出毒素，說這樣就會好轉。問題是醫藥費很貴，而且日子久了，又給我發現這醫生無論對患精神病的、未期癌症、弱能的、中風的、痛症的病人，都是說同一樣的說話，和用同一種治療方法。而且又常建議我非常昂貴的營養素吊針排毒方法，都不是一般人可長期負担得起的，而他亦只是一句：『錢要緊還是身體要緊？』這樣的醫生信得過嗎？所以我便沒有再回去了。
後來，我又試了催眠治療。我在網上得知，不少個案是透過『催眠治療』或『認知行為治療法』而冶癒的。只要有希望，我都想試試。首先本來想預約『認知行為治療法』的，怎知不只是『天價』，而排期更長達一、兩年，我這刻的狀況根本沒可能等到這日！後來致電了一位催眠治療師，她在電話和我談了一會，她竟很明白我的處境的危急性，所以她願意在幾日之內接見我，所以我就去試試。她是一位很有愛心的治療師，可能是主的安排，她是真心想幫我的，收費上她也便宜了一些給我，因為催眠治療也是很昂貴的。而她每次都想把我說那『朋友』找出來，但她都說非常困難。她教我在呼吸困難時用腹部呼吸，對放鬆很有幫助。我進行幾次的治療，當中一次令我很感觸，因為在睡眠狀態中，我見到我已離世的祖父母，他們生前多麼的疼愛我，他們不單對住我笑，而且和我說：『你好叻仔，好生性，堅持下去，我們明白的。』我真的很感動，很安慰，就是在睡眠狀態中，也流下了眼淚。
作了幾次的治療之後，弟兄和我說，基督徒不應作這樣的治療的，因這治療是在完全放鬆，及內心深處完全沒防備下進行，所以邪靈會有機會進入的。雖然我並不同意，因這治療不多不少也幫了我，不再作治療，我還可有甚麼方法呢？真的很矛盾！而且，當我下一次治療時，怎樣開口說，下次不再回來呢…….?
下集預告：在我作最後一次催眠治療時，還在躊躇怎樣跟治療師說我不再繼續的時候，她竟然和我說了另一番的說話，我知道這是神的安排！弟兄介紹我去見另一位家庭醫生，她陪伴我走進另一階段，陪伴我找出這位『朋友』是什麼，這『朋友』的身份，我開始清楚了…………
下一集：別問我 是誰 11 不一樣的醫生
Evangelical Cantonese Opera Vocal Training 福音粵曲興趣班
Many elderly people in Hong Kong love Cantonese opera. This is an effective way to build rapport with them. Penny is going to host a vocal training class in Cantonese opera style.
Date : 13th, 20th, 27th Feburary & 13th, 27th March
Time : 2:00-3:30pm
Venue : Elim Church
Materials Costs : $ 20
Enquiry and application : Penny
Elim Photo Shoot Competition Winners以琳攝影比賽 得獎作品
Animals – By Cora
Mission – By Cora
Scenery – By Esther
Church Life – Christina
People – Christina
動物組 – Cora
宣教組 – Cora
風景組 – Esther
教會生活組 – Christina
人物組 – Christina
Elim Asia Team – India印度短宣
Our kids in one of our churches in India worshipping the Lord. More pictures of this Asia Team have been posted on ” Photo Gallery “. Take a look at the photos now and enjoy !
這 是 我 們 在 印 度 其 中 一 教 會 的 孩 子 們 敬 拜 的 情 景。在 圖 片 庫 中 有 更 多 這 次 短 宣 的 照 片，和 大 家 分 享！
( 9 ) The Spiritual Battle別問我 是誰 9 – 爭戰的禱告
Days without Soul
After the emotional breakdown on the flight, I started to live my life without soul. Day after day, this was really horrible. I did not want to consult psychiatrist anymore. I knew very clearly that the medication could only suppress those negative thoughts but could not really help me.
I told myself, I needed to do what I should do, because may be I would have no more chance to do them anymore. This included going to a trip with my family and to get marry. I hoped we could have an unforgettable wedding so I could leave some good memories to my loved one if I would die someday.
Coming back to Church
I went back to church again. But it was not as easy as before.
During praise and worship time, I could not have the peace and joy which I experienced before. Instead, I felt very uncomfortable. I could feel some pressure in my heart, and even my stomach didn’t feel well.
In this period, I could feel the Lord’s spirit was with me, but not as often as before. Sometimes, no matter how hard I cried, it seemed that I could not find him anywhere.
One time, I was in a meeting with our pastor and some other brothers and sisters. The pastor asked me to read out the Bible scriptures and replace the “ I “ in the scriptures with my own name. I felt a bit difficult and uneasy when doing this. During the worship time, it seemed that there was a big wall pressing on my heart, blocking the peace from the Lord.
Sunday service was different too.
Sometimes I felt very uneasy when listening to the sermon. It seemed that the Word of the Lord couldn’t get in my ears and my heart.
One time, the sermon was about the ending of the “ evil one “. I was listening and was feeling very uncomfortable all the way. It seemed that there was a fire burning in my heart. It was almost unbearable that I had to leave the auditorium for a while.
After the service, the pastor said to me, “ I know that you are very uncomfortable. I was watching you all the time during the sermon. But I still need to deliver this message. This message is not for you, but for the evil one inside you. I have to let it know its ending. “
Sudden Attack
In one of the cell group meetings, this uneasy feeling was very strong. I told the brothers and sisters that I was very uncomfortable and they prayed for me.
Suddenly, my arms and legs could not move at all, then the whole body could not move also. I could only tell them “ my whole body was in pain. “ They continued to pray for me. And then a brother gave me a glass of water mixed with salt and told me to drink it. All the other people were praying for me. After sometime, I was relieved.
Don’t Fight the Battle Alone
A brother proposed to pray regularly with me. He thought there must be something wrong. This brother also taught me, the Bible tells us not to stop coming to meetings. Since I didn’t go to church for a long time already, opportunity was opened for the devil to attack me again.
He also explained to me about a story in the Bible. Jesus healed a man and the evil spirit left him. But he didn’t follow Jesus all the time. Then the devil came back and brought more other evil spirits to live inside that man. The situation of that man was therefore worse than before. So, my situation could be worse than before!
However, one thing comforted my heart all the time was, all the brothers and sisters prayed with me every time after the meetings, asking the spirit of the Lord to stay with me.
One time, when we were praying, the brother asked me to think back the time when I was in Japan, playing those horrible games. A dirty spirit appeared in my mind. I was very afraid. It was very dirty and evil. It was an object with lots of dirty mud flowing down.
My brother said to me, “ I can feel that you can see something very dirty. You don’t have to say anything now. You don’t need to be afraid. “ Then, this brother ordered this evil spirit to leave my body in Jesus’ name. It disappeared.
I could not deny that Jesus is real!
One time when we were praying, some words appeared in my heart. I was astonished that these words came out from the mouth of another brother. Could it be possible that this brother could read my mind? Of course not. It was the Lord speaking to us at the same time!
Every time when I prayed with that brother, I could receive words from the Lord.
One time, when we were praying, I could see that I was trapped in a cage. A tiger was watching me from outside, seemed that it would attack me or kill me anytime. But the Lord taught me to see from a different point of view. I could feel that the Lord told me to step back and back and then look again. I was very surprised, the one who was trapped behind the iron bars was not me, but the tiger instead!
The brothers and sisters continued to pray for me, hoping to break that wall inside my heart. We spent a lot of a time praying for this many times but still the wall could not be broken.
My pastor said to me, “ It is okay even if the wall cannot be broken now. You have to remember that you are not alone, with the power of Jesus and the power of the church, it will be broken someday! “
Another time, the brother took me to a Christian organization specializes in praying for healing. The staff there prayed for me and found that I had a “ spirit of abandonment” inside of me, meaning that I was very afraid of being left alone by my loved ones. I could not agree with them. I did not think that this is my character and my family loves me all the time. I kept on asking for the reason. The staff explained that it could be “ inherited “. I was very lost about this. When I got home, I kept asking my parents about this.
That day, I felt that my life was like a movie. I was already more than twenty years old, and I didn’t know that my father was actually adopted ! That means, my grandparents, who loved me so much, were not my real grandparents ! I deeply appreciated my grandparents for loving me so much. God’s power is really amazing!
Don’t Ask Again, but Look unto God
The brother had prayed with me for more than 10 times. Every time when he prayed with me, I could feel the peace.
However, when I was by myself, the anxiety came back again. I really could not distinguish whether it was because of the evil spirit or because of the “ friend “ who was with me since I was very young.
I actually gave up asking about this. There was no use keep on asking anyway. I always asked God, why did it have to happen to me. Is it said in the Bible that “ No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear “? I said to God very often that this is almost beyond my ability. But I could not get any answer from Him by that time.
The brother encouraged me from time to time, telling me no matter how difficult the situation was, I had to hang on, and God had His purpose for me. I totally understood what the brother said. However, my situation was really bad. Can you imagine how does it feel if you will be attacked any time, anywhere, and no matter what you are doing ? I really didn’t know how long I could endure!
The idea of taking my own life came again. However, I could not do this. Because I was a Christian already. I knew that Christian should not commit suicide. I could not live any longer, but at the same time, I could not choose to die.
Some other believers from other churches also joined in and prayed for me. A preacher from another church prayed for me. He said it should not be mental problems. He told me to have faith in God and remember these scriptures all the time. It was Psalm 121:
“I lift up my eyes to the mountains, where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip, he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you, the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm, he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going, both now and forevermore. “
From then on, whenever I felt something wrong, I used these scriptures to resist. It was very hard to live on like this.
Next chapter: The day when we all went for a trip came. Could this help me relax? I was admitted to the emergency room again, facing death. How did I feel when I was very close to death? I could be able to see an experienced Christian lady who prayed for me as well. I kept on trying some other therapies too. I was in a maze….
Next chapter: The Maze
Mr. Ice Cream
沒靈魂的日子
自從在飛機上再一次崩潰之後，我像只得回一個沒靈魂的軀殼，一日復一日，日子很難捱。我不想再看精神科醫生了，因為我很清楚，藥物只能治標不能治本。我告訴自己，盡快去做我應做而未做的事，因恐怕自己再沒有機會做了。和家人一起去旅行，和自己所愛的結婚，及設計一個不一樣的難忘婚禮，留給自己最愛的人一點點回憶。
重回後的困難
我再次返回教會小組聚會了，可是，在唱歌讚美時，已沒有了以前的平安和喜樂了，我竟然感到很不自在，在心中有一種隱隱的壓力，而胃部也有點不適。在這階段，我時不時都會感受到主的靈在我的心中，但卻不像以前那樣時常都感受到。有時，更無論我怎樣呼求，也好像找不着衪。有一次，牧師和兩位弟兄姊妹和我一起聚會，牧師叫我讀一篇經文，並把經文中的『我』字，讀做我自己的名字，我覺得有點吃力，在我心中有些不自在的感覺，而在敬拜時，在我心中又好像出現了一幅牆，重重的壓住我，阻隔了主的平安。
星期日返主日崇拜時，和以前都很不同。因為有時在聽道時，我心中覺得很不尋常和不太自在，總像聽不進耳似的。有一次星期日的主日崇拜，雖然我已不記起是什麼題目，但我記得內容是說有關那『惡者』最終的結局的。我一直在聽，但一直都覺得很辛苦。在我心中，更有點像被火燒的感覺。我實在捱不住這種感覺，最後要離開禮堂，稍稍休息才感到好一點。事後牧師和我說：『我知道你很辛苦，但這堂道是我特定要說的，我其實不是說給你聽的，而是說給在你裏面的惡者聽的，要它知道最終的結局是如何。我亦看得出你很辛苦，因為在我講道時，一直都留意着你。』
突襲
有一次在小組敬拜時，這奇怪的力量更加強烈。我唯有告訴組員我很辛苦，弟兄姊妹就立時為我禱告。但是，之後我的四肢竟不能動彈，繼而全身也不能動，只能用口說：『我好辛苦，全身麻痺和剌痛。』他們便繼續為我禱告，但並沒有立時得到解決。後來，有位弟兄給了我一杯鹽水，我飲了，而其他人則繼續不斷為我禱告，一段時間之後，我才回復正常。
同心的禱告 不是孤身作戰
之後，有一位弟兄主動提出定時和我一起禱告，因他總覺一定得有些問題才會引致這情況的。而這位弟兄也勸勉我，聖經教導說：『不可停止聚會』，因我很久沒有回教會，也造就了機會讓魔鬼可以再次攻擊我。他又跟我解釋道，聖經曾說過，有一個被邪靈附身的人，得了醫治，邪靈被趕走了，但那人卻沒有持久的跟從神，那邪靈就會有機會再回來，並會帶更多的邪靈回來！所以我的情况可能會比之前更糟了！然而，令我感到安慰的，是每次小組聚會之後，都會有幾位弟兄姊妹為我禱告，祈求主的靈再次臨到我的身上。
有一次和那位弟兄一起禱告的時候，他鼓勵我回憶在日本所發生的事，再重返當時那個樂園，和玩那些刺激的遊戲時的片段。突然，在我腦中，出現了一個很不潔的靈，一個全身充滿泥漿，不斷流下的物體，我很害怕，弟兄說：『你不用作聲，我感覺到你見到的，是很污穢的東西。』於是，他即時奉主耶穌基督之名，命令它離開我身體，於是就不見了。
我不得不承認，主耶穌是真真實實地存在的！有一次在禱告的時候，我心中突然想到一句說話，這句話卻竟然在那位弟兄口中說出來，我感到很訝異，難道我弟兄能看穿我的心嗎？當然不是，我明白這是主的靈，同時和我倆說一樣的話。
每次和那位弟兄一起禱告時，我總能從主裏得到領受。有一次，在禱告中，我看到自己被困在籠中，有一隻老虎在籠外虎視眈眈的望着我。但主教導我，我和那隻老虎之間隔着的一道欄，近看是我被困在裏面，但主教導我，看事物要看得遠一些，衪教我一路的向後退下，然後叫我再看清楚，其實真正被困住的，是那隻老虎，而不是我！
弟兄姊妹一直為我祈禱，想把我心中阻隔着主的平安的那幅牆打破，但用了很久的時間還沒成功。牧師說：『這一刻打破不了也不打緊的，你要記着，你不是孤身作戰的，靠着主耶穌基督的力量，和教會的力量，總有一天能夠打破的！』
又有一次，這位弟兄帶我去一個基督教機構，請那兒的同工為我作心靈醫治的禱告。他們竟在禱告中發現我內心有一種『怕被遺棄的靈』存在，而我初時完全不認同，因我從來沒有被任何人遺棄，亦覺得我並沒有甚麼怕被遺棄的性情，而我的家人更從小就很愛我。於是他們不好意思的說可能是遺傳下來的。我大惑不解，回家向家人追問，他們只好說出實情………那一天，我感覺是，我的人生真是好像一齣戲一般，活了二十幾個年頭，才知道我的爸爸原來是收養回來的，即是說，與我同住多年的祖父祖母，和我是沒有半點血源關係的！我沒有恨誰，或恨家人沒有把這事說給我聽，反而我更加感激我的祖父祖母，因為他們真的很愛我。你說，神的大能是否真的很奇妙？
別再問是誰了 我要向山舉目
我和那位弟兄相聚一起禱告大約十多次，每次都得着平安的感覺。可是當我獨自一人時，不自在的感覺又很快返回到我的心中。這時，到底是那位自小已經糾纏着我的『朋友』，還是邪靈所致，已經很難去區分了。所以，真的，別問我是誰了，連我自己都不再去問了……
我時常求問神，為何要這樣？聖經上不是說：『我們所遇見的試探，無非是我們所能承受的』。我也時常和神說：『我捱不住了！』但總是得不到回應。
弟兄時常鼓勵我，着我無論如何都要緊守支持下去，神在我身上總有祂的計劃的。弟兄所說的話，我絕對明白，但無論在任何時間，就連玩耍時，一樣會隨時隨地的受到負面情緒打擊，完全防不勝防，試問，我可以捱得多久呢？我真的不知道………
痛苦的情度，比起以前更加厲害，我更有離開這個世界的念頭，但因為我已信了主，明白基督徒是不可以自殺的。現在的我，正是求生不得，求死不能！
期間，亦有其他教會的基督徒朋友為我禱告，傳道人說我不是什麼精神問題，着我要對主有信心，叫我緊記一段聖經金句，是『詩篇』121篇：
『我要向山舉目，我的幫助從何而來？我的幫助從造天地的耶和華而來，祂必不叫你的腳搖動，保護你的必不打盹。保護以色列的也不打盹，也不睡覺。保護你的是耶和華，耶和華在你右邊蔭庇你。白日太陽必不傷你。夜間月亮必不害你。耶和華要保護你，免受一切的災害。他要保護你的性命。你出你入，耶和華要保護你，從今時直到永遠。』
之後的日子，每當我不安時，就用這篇詩篇來抵擋。日子真不易捱。不久，就到了和我的家人去旅行的日子了。
下一集強勢預告：旅行能否把心情放鬆些？死亡的感覺越來越迫近，在醫院急症室中，我只剩下最後的一口氣了。神的巧妙安排，使我能和一位助人趕鬼治病的資深基督徒相見，這又能否把我醫治？我又嘗試了一些治療的方法，但每一個希望總換來失望，我好像走在一個沒出路的迷宮之中，我會否就此放棄？
下一集 別問我 是誰 ( 10 ) 死亡的迷宮