25 Dec, 2010 | Author: webteam | Comments Off on (5) The Battle別問我 是誰 (5)- 對戰
As time went by, I have started to work now. I tried several jobs because I wanted to learn more to enrich myself. During this period of time,”my friend” didn’t come to me very often.
One day when I was traveling on a bus after work, the bus passed by a funeral house. All of a sudden, my “friend” came and attacked me! The thoughts suddenly rushed into my mind like a movie. I saw I was dead already. My picture was there in the middle of the funeral hall. My friends were there mourning. Then my body was lying in the coffin and I was burnt. All these thoughts rushed into my mind within a few seconds and I was totally broken down! The fear and the emptiness was so deep that I could do nothing to get rid of it. So I called my friends for help. All they could do was to make me drunk so my brain would stop thinking.
Next morning, this feeling remained the same. I had to admit that something must be wrong with me emotionally. So I went to see our family doctor and asked him to give me some medicine and refer me to a government psychiatrist. However, it would take a very long queuing time. So my friend referred me to a private one. This psychiatrist spent only a few minutes meeting me and said I had depression. He gave me some medicine and I took the medicine as instructed everyday. But not only was there no improvement at all, I even felt worse and made me easily irritable.
I therefore consulted another psychiatrist. This psychiatrist was very different from the previous one. He used a lot of time to understand my history and my thoughts. He said the previous doctor was not a registered one at all, and the medication was not suitable for me and I was over dosed! He said I was suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder. He gave me some other medicine. But there was no improvement too.
Finally, the time for government psychiatrists came. But each time, they could only spend a few minutes with me. If I said I felt better, they would reduce the dosage. If I said there was no improvement, they would in turn increase the dosage again. As a result, my dosage was very high. The side effect was xerostomia, tremor, and made me choleric. I seemed to have become another person. My situation was even worse. The medication could only suppress those negative thoughts.
I knew deep down in my heart that medication could not help me at all. I was very tired fighting with this “friend”！
My family tried everything they could to help me. Once they brought me to a Chinese doctor who was quite well known for curing a celebrity using acupuncture therapy. I went there several times but again found no improvement at all.
My situation turned worse and worse. I had even tried other drugs several times. But I knew very clearly this couldn’t help. Of course I felt very good at that moment. But after waking up, I knew that I still needed to face the reality. Afterwards, I always got drunk and offended many people. I was sent to the hospital many times because of this. Each time my family members had to come and take care of me. They were so helpless and worried. All they could say to me was, ” It’s okay, it’s okay…..” They didn’t blame me or say any hard words to me. Maybe because they could understand my situations. I was sent to the intensive care unit many times too.
I thought, why should all of this have to happen to me? Why….why…why？
One time, I was in the hospital again. My brother came to visit me. The first word he said to me was, “When your sister-in-law comes, you need to apologize to her, because you woke her up last night. “ I thought, the worry I had about losing my brother has turned to reality. I had even discussed with a social worker about my worry on this when I was only a student. The brother who grew up with me for so many years, the first word he said to me was not “Are you okay？” but “Apologize.”. I was very hurt. I really didn’t have any energy to consider my brother’s situation at that time. I didn’t say sorry, but instead my heart was filled with sadness.
One day, I was very depressed and didn’t go to work. I really wanted to leave this world. I could not stand this anymore. I had to put an end to this battle. I swallowed many pills. I was crawling on the floor. In front of my eyes, all I could see was a window without a frame. I thought, “yes, this is the time, everything will be ended. Both me and my “friend “will disappear in this world forever. Everything will be resolved soon, if only I will move one step further………..
What had stopped me from getting closer to that window? How could I face the reality afterwards? I was cheated into a hell-like place and how did I escape from this abyss? Next chapter-The Abyss.
Mr. Ice Cream
日子一天一天的過去，我已經出來社會做事，做了很多不同的行業，為的是想看多一點，充實自己。在這段時間裏，不知不覺我那『朋友』也沒怎來探訪我了。
有一天下班時，我乘車經過某殯儀館，不知怎的，我的朋友竟突然重重的向我突襲！當時，在數秒間，一連串的景象如電影般在我的腦海中播放，我看到自己已死去，靈堂裏掛着自己的相片，又有朋友來拜祭我，之後就是在棺木內火化的情景！這些思維就在這數秒之間，使我的情緒即時崩潰。我用甚麼方法都填補不了這份恐懼和虛空，於是我致電給朋友出來開解我，但他們可以做的，就是使我飲醉至不能再思想，之後再送我回家。
第二天，這種感覺還沒有離開我，我唯有接受自己情緒上出了問題，於是去了看家庭醫生，請他開一些藥和寫轉介信去看精神科。因排期時間甚長，於是透過朋友找了一位診金還可接受的私家醫生。第一次看這醫生，他沒有用太多的時間和我溝通，便說我患了抑鬱症，只開了兩樽藥物給我。而我每天都有服藥，但我覺得沒有什麼改善，反而使我更變得暴燥。
後來我們又了看了另一位醫生。這醫生與之前那位完全不同，他用了很多時間來了解我的過去和想法，他還說之前看的醫生是沒有註冊，而且他開的藥不太合適和藥量太重！今次的醫生說我患了思想强迫症。我亦有依照醫生的指示服藥，只是也沒有進展。
後來終於排到了看政府醫生，但他們每次見面只有數分鐘，如我說情況沒有改善，就會把藥量加重，如有改善呢，就會減輕藥量，好像是很是敷衍的。結果我服食的份量很重，後遺症是口乾、手震、性格暴燥，簡直像變了另一個人似的。我的情況不但沒有改善，反而每況愈下，藥物只能暫時制止那些負面思想罷了。
我心裏是知道的，這些藥物是幫不到我的。跟我這個『朋友』的這塲戰役，已經令我身心非常的疲累！
我的家人，當然想盡任何方法去幫我，只要有生機，他們都會試的。他們帶了我去看一個有一點名氣，並且用針炙方法的中醫，聽說某歌手都是他醫好的。當然我又去試試看啦，但看了兩三次，我覺得根本沒分別，便沒有再看了。
這段期間，我的情況急轉直下，我更嘗試過好幾次一些非法的藥物，如丸仔，氯氨銅等，但我都知道，那一刻雖然是很愉快，其實過後，現實終歸現實，根本解決不了問題。此後，我又時常因醉酒而生事，得罪了不少人，不久便成了醫院的常客。可憐家人每次來探我，都會很焦慮、無奈，只能安慰我說 ：『沒有事的，叻仔啲，生性啲』，他們沒有責罵我，或許他們明白我的處境罷。我也曾進入深切治療部，幸好最終都能平安出來。那時，我會想，為何這樣玩弄我，為何…為何又為何？
又有一次，我又在醫院中，哥哥來探我，他說：『你昨天致電我家中時，弄醒了你阿嫂啊，一會她前來，你快和她道句歉呀！』這刻我在想，我年少時曾憂慮長大後會失去手足之情，我在見社工時也曾提到的憂慮，不是一一已兌現了嗎？和我一起長大的哥哥，相處了好多個年頭，來探訪我的第一句話，不是說：『有沒有事呀？』而竟然是…….…..那時的我，那裏有力量去想想哥哥的處境？所以我不單沒有和我阿嫂說對不起，而且生命中更又多了一個怨恨！
有一天，因為心情不佳，我沒有上班，在家中亦心不在焉，我真的很想離開這世界，我覺得受不住了，我要和我那位『朋友』結束這場戰役！於是我服食了很多藥物，我伏在地上，我的眼前，只看到那窗是沒有窗框的，我想，是時候了，一切一切都快要解決了，只差一點便成了.……
是甚麼制止我走向那死亡之窗？之後又如何面對？我被騙進深淵之後，又如何逃脫？
下一集，別問我 是誰 (6) 深淵
兵奇臨
Tags: christian, church, church life, shatin, shatin church, 基督教, 教會, 沙田, 活動
Category 見證分享 Testimony |
18 Dec, 2010 | Author: webteam | Comments Off on (4) Losing my grandparents別問我 是誰 (4)-雙失
Some of the readers may wonder why my life has been filled with so many hardships and so many question marks. For example, the girl living next door wanted to start her life right again, but was killed in a traffic accident. Of course, by that time, I was only a kid, I felt totally helpless and found no way to resolve the doubts inside my heart. As of today, how will I look at this? I think life is not controlled in our hands. We have to treasure our time. Do not do anything that makes yourself or the ones who love you live in regret. It is not ours to say, “ Let me enjoy life and do what I want first!” If we know something is right, we have to grasp the day and do it today!
Now let me share with you about losing my grandparents in this chapter.’
My grandma (my father’s mother) loves me very much. She is a very kind lady. One time she discovered that I have stolen my grandpa’s money. She promised me that she would not tell anyone if I would never do this again. I was so thankful to her and of course I have never done this again. However, I couldn’t understand why she always told me, “ You must be good. Do not let anyone look down upon you. “ I thought, she must have been hurt by someone and thus said this to me.
As time went by, her health deteriorated. When I was 14, one day she was laying in her bed. She held my hand and said, “ Remember this, you must be good…. “ Why? Again such words! I felt a bit annoyed and didn’t take her words seriously.
In just a few days’ time, her situation turned very bad and she couldn’t speak at all. We could do nothing. Our only hope was that she could leave without much pain. However, what I saw was, my grandma, such a kind lady, had suffered so much in those few days. We could only stay by her side all the time in the hospital. These few days were very, very long for me.
At this moment, my “ friend” suddenly ran into my mind again… my grandma, why she had to suffer all these? Would I have to suffer the same when I died? I started to use pain to suppress my fear again. So, I used my right hand to hurt my left hand. This was the only way I could stop these thinking!
It was in the afternoon while we were still staying in the hospital with grandma. My mothers’ family members called and told us that my grandma (my mother’s mother) was in the hospital too!
So I went with my mum to another hospital and visited grandma. She was quite all right, without any serious situations. So we went back to the other side. In the evening, we went home to take a rest. However, when we just got home, we got a message from the hospital that grandma (my father’s mother) was in very bad conditions that we needed to rush back. As we were on the way, my grandma didn’t wait for us, and she left quietly without a word. I thought, maybe grandma didn’t want us to be so sad. So, she chose to leave when we were not around.
We were all so tired that night. But as when we were sleeping in the middle of the night, a call from the other hospital woke us up. My mother’s mother, was in very bad condition. I thought, how could this be? She was okay when we visited her this morning. So I rushed to the hospital with my mother. When we were on the way to the ward, I could hear the crying…. I couldn’t believe this! I lost both grandmas in the same day! My mother was very sad. I had to suppress my feelings and told myself to be strong. I comforted my mother and accompanied her home. But inside my heart, I could not accept this, why? Was this just a co-incident? All these questions have been in my heart all the time affecting me through out the years as I grew up.
A few years later, one day, my grandpa asked me to go out to buy some food for him. I just rejected him without any reason. I didn’t realize that this was almost our last conversation. A few days later, his health suddenly turned very bad and was sent to the intensive care unit. I went to visit him. He could still talk, and he said to me, “ Remember, you must be obedient, you must be good! “ I thought, why, again such words! I am already a very good student. Why do they keep saying this to me? A few days later, he passed away in great pain, with bleeding from his ears, eyes, mouth and nose.
I was in deep regret. He only asked me to do a very simple thing for him. I didn’t take the opportunity to do it and I never had the chance to speak to him again. After that, I learnt that if I was able to do something, I should do it as quickly as I could. I would not allow myself to regret again. Today and tomorrow could be two totally different worlds. If you don’t do this today, may be you will never be able to do it tomorrow.
My heart was filled with anger and sorrow. Why had my grandparents and my mother kept saying, “ You must be good”? This is because my family is a very large one, consisting of many smaller families. Some of us were richer and some were poorer. They always compare themselves with each other. No matter what happened in one family, gossip would be spread to other families. No matter what we did, be it a wedding, or a funeral, we must do it perfectly so no one can say a word. They will only say bad things about you. So “don’t let other people look down upon you” has been deeply cultivated in my mind. If they became richer, they will look down upon you. If my family gets richer, they will be jealous about us. Even if we tried to help some of the poorer ones, they would not be thankful to us at all!
All these painful experiences caused “ my friend “ to visit me more and more frequently. I felt life was so meaningless. No matter how hard I tried to look for the meaning of life, no matter how hard I tried to be good, we could never escape from the emptiness of life. Both my body and my soul were in great pain.
I tried to call counseling hotlines and met with counselors. I totally understood what they said about the meaning of life. But this could never stop “my friend from attacking me. I have tried to do volunteer work to help other people, and I have learnt a lot from this too. I would try everything other people said that could bring meaning to life. But it was just the same.
I studied in Christian school since I was very young. I knew about Jesus and had joined some fellowship meetings too. However, one day, my family told me that I was offered to Kwan Yum (a Chinese god) and therefore should not go to church again. I was only a kid and I had no power to choose what I wanted. So I stopped going to church. But in my mind, I have a belief that at the moment before I died, I would believe in Jesus. Because in my heart, I knew that He is the real God. However, since I didn’t go to church and had no chance to study the Bible, I also worshipped other gods. I didn’t know that this was wrong.
I was in great pain. I have tired to seek help. I have tried to find a solution for it. But nothing could help me. Gradually, I would use any method that could help me stop this thinking. I would pray. I would hurt myself, hit myself, or slam my fist against the wall…. All I wanted was using pain to prove that I still exist, and suppressed all these negative thoughts.
Next chapter, I will share with you before I was born again, how I fight with “ my friend “ in the darkness.
Mr. Ice Cream
有讀者可能會感歎，為甚麽我的人生好像總遇上一個又一個解不了的結。例如中一那年，一位浪子回頭的鄰家女孩突然去世。那時，我只是個中一的學生，只能感到很無助，歎天意弄人。如今我怎看這件事呢？就是生命不是掌管在我們手裏的，要好好珍惜，別作令自己和愛自己的人遺憾的事，因為不由得你說，『待我玩夠了才算吧！』既知是對的，把握着今天就去做吧！
現在告訴你我的 <雙失> 之痛吧！
祖母由小到大也很疼愛我，她是那麽的仁慈，有一次，我偷了祖父的金錢，被她發現了，她說只要我願意改過，她會把這秘密保留，保證不會說給爸爸媽媽或任何人知道，而她一直也沒有食言。我很感激她，從此也就不再犯了。但不知為何她時不時也會和我說：『你要生性啊，別給別人看扁啊！』我想，她定是受了氣才這樣說的。
隨著年月的過去，她的腎功能不斷衰退，需要洗腎才能維持生命。在我十四歲那年的一天，她在病牀上握着我的手，說 ：『你要生性一些啊！』這時我心想，又是這類說話，我聽得太多了！也沒怎放在心上。
怎知過了數日，她的病情急劇轉壞，甚至到了不能再說話的地步了！這時我們什麼也做不到，只希望她可走得輕鬆一些，不用這麼辛苦。可是，我看到的，卻是這位多麼好、多麽疼我的嫲嫲，怎樣受折磨，她雙眼反白，全身抽筋，好幾天都是這樣。我們只能一直守候在她身旁，這幾天對我來說，是多麽的漫長！
在這時候，我那位『朋友』又衝入我的腦海中….我的嫲嫲！平時那麼好，為何要受這樣的折磨啊？到了我將離開這個世界之前，我也認定了自己要受這些痛苦的……..我又開始用痛楚去抑制恐懼了，於是我用我的右手，弄痛了自己的左手，才能停止腦海繼續想下去！
另一天下午，我們仍守候在她旁邊，突然有親友通知我們外婆入了醫院，於是我和媽媽便前往探訪。我們到了婆婆的病房，見她的身體不錯，於是我和媽媽安心一些地趕回嫲嫲的身邊。晚上，我們回家稍作休息。怎料回到家中，在電話錄音裏聽到醫院說情況不妙，我們又立刻趕回去。但嫲嫲沒有等我們，已經走了……！我當時這樣想，是否她因為捨不得我們，所以才在我們都不在時，靜悄悄的走了？
當晚，我們疲倦極了，怎料半夜電話突然響了，說外婆的情況不太理想，請立刻前往醫院……這刻我在想，不是嘛？早上探訪還沒什麼的，為何會這樣？於是我和媽媽二人立刻趕去醫院，升降機的門還沒完全打開，我已聽到哭泣的聲音了！我和媽媽入了病房，看外婆的最後一面，這時媽媽很激動，因為同一天失去兩個媽媽！我看着這樣傷心的媽媽，我强忍着極度的難過，我告訴自己，要做一個堅強的人！於是我勸媽媽別要這樣，慢慢地安慰她，陪她離開……但我心裏真正的疑惑是，為甚麽這樣？同一天失去嫲嫲和外婆，只是巧合嗎？對於當時只有十四歲的我，又是一個解不了的結！這些跟我將來長大了，所遇到的艱難，都有着千絲萬縷的關聯！
過了一兩年，有一天，祖父叫我出外買東西給他吃，我當時不加思索便拒絕他，怎料，這次竟差不多是最後的對話！我不太記得，是當晚還是第二天，他的病情突然惡化，要立刻住進深切治療部，我去探望他，他這時還可以說話，他對我說：『你以後要聽話，要生性一點！』這刻我在想，為何又是這些因家族怨恨而生的話！我已是個品學兼優的學生啦！幾天後，他很多身體功能已失去，七孔流血了幾天，他走了。
我很內疚，因為祖父只叫我做一件非常簡單的事，其實可能只花上幾分鐘的時間，但我這次沒有做，就已經失去補償的機會！這次之後，我又明白到後悔是一件痛苦的事，之後我學會只要可做到的，就不要太多考慮，要把握時間去做，不要再一次讓自己的後悔，因為這世界上，今天和明天可以是很不同的，今天不做，可能以後都做不成了。
這時我的心又充滿了怨恨，為何媽媽、祖父母都常常把生性啊，爭氣啊這些話掛在嘴邊？可能是我的家族比較大，有些富裕的，有些清貧的，所以家與家之間會有比較。有甚麽事都會一傳十，十傳百，無論什麼喜事和白事，都要做場好戲，別留機會給人說話。他們又只會說人不好的一面，所以我都會被『不要衰比人看』這句話所影響。因為若他們富起來，或有甚麽成就，都會很了不起的樣子。你沒出息呢，又看扁你。你努力好起來，又妒忌你。甚至你為他們付出，不單不代表一定有收穫，反而回頭攻擊你！
這些痛苦、內疚，一一都造就了我這位『朋友』又密密地探訪我，我感到人生無意義到極點，重重覆覆的生活，無論你怎樣去尋找意義，生性啊！爭氣啊！又怎樣，始終離不開生老病死這個框框，我身心都感到極度痛苦！我曾嘗試致電輔導熱線，又去見過社工，他們說的，我理性上統統都明白，但卻一點都不能制止這位『朋友』的突襲。我也嘗試去做義工，幫助人，也從中領悟到很多做人的道理，也去做一些很有意義的事，但結果都是一樣！
因我自小已讀基督教學校，所以很早便認識耶穌，而且小學時都有回團契的，所以不時遇到困難，都會祈禱。可是，有一次，家人說我出生時便過契了給觀音，所以不要再回團契了。我當時也沒有選擇的權力，只好停了。但我心中一早已有一個信念，就是在我臨斷氣前那一刻，要信靠主耶穌，因為，在我心中，一早已認定了，而且主曾說：『口裏承認，心裡相信，就能得救』。但當時因我沒有回教會，也沒機會學好聖經的教導，所以同時又拜拜其他的，也不知道這是不對的！但這信念，我相信是在我走到人生的盡頭時，把我帶回來的…
這時的我，已辛苦到極點，我有主動求助，我努力想去解決，但就是沒法！漸漸地，我甚麽方法都用，祈禱、用手弄痛自己、打自己、用拳頭打牆…..為的是要用痛楚去證明自己還存在，使那在我腦海中的『朋友』停止！日子就是這樣一天一天的過去……
下一集，我要和大家分享我怎樣在重生之前，在黑暗深淵中與這位『朋友』正面交手！
下一集，別問我 是誰 5 < 對戰 >！
兵奇臨
Tags: christian, church, church life, shatin, shatin church, 基督教, 教會, 沙田, 活動
Category 見證分享 Testimony |
I will use “God replied me immediately” to describe my experience when believing in Jesus.
In 2000, I was an insurance agent and have satisfactory sales records. However, when the financial storm hit the world, our business contracted a lot. At the same time, since I had made some unwise decisions on my personal investment, I started to borrow money to pay my debts. This happened again and again.
My heart was very down by that time. I still pretended to be strong and positive in front of other people. However, when I was alone, I was very frustrated and sad. I was almost on the verge of breaking down.
When it comes to the end for human being, that is the beginning of God. One day, I was sitting on the upper deck in a bus. I saw a very large sign saying, “ Come on to me all who are heavy-laden, I will give you rest. “ I know this sign is talking about Jesus Christ. I thought, “ if I can really rest in your place, I really want to know more about you. “
One week later, miracles happened. Three Christians came to me and shared with me the gospel, one after another! The first one was my colleague. He invited me to a gospel meeting held in the Hong Kong Coliseum. After the meeting, I was quite moved but I didn’t want to show it. The second one was my friend and she invited me to her church but I turned her down.
The third one invited me to a men’s meeting. The topic was “ the 3 G for men, i.e. Girl, Gold and Grade”. I didn’t know this is a Christian meeting at all. I was very interested in this topic. Moreover, this friend was going to join my insurance team soon. So I thought at least for courtesy reason, I need to go. After the meeting, they encouraged me to believe in Jesus and we had some discussion too. At first, I had some hesitation. However, I started to think seriously, this group of people, no matter in their education, or social class, or financially, were much better off than me. But they still need to rely on Jesus. I thought, there must be something about this religion I didn’t know about. And as they said, you didn’t need to do anything, all you need was to believe in your heart, and acknowledge that you are a Christian. I thought there was no loss at all to believe, and I could know more people here too. That was how I decided to believe.
Of course, after I believed in Jesus, I learnt much more about Jesus and had personal relationship with him. I learnt that He is the only God who I could rely on, and going to church is much more than a social event.
I experienced the peace and power of God on me and was being changed by God step by step. My relationship with my family and friends improved a lot. All my family members are Christians now! Although my debts were not settled within one day, I have peace and joy in my heart. I learnt how to manage my personal finance and get out of that situation step by step. This peace and joy is hard to explain. I clearly remember that on the day I decided to follow Jesus, I was so joyful. My heart was beating very fast when I was on my way home. I was so excited! I felt like I have everything I needed and other problems were not important anymore! I think, this is the peace and joy from God!
Of course, there were difficulties in life too. But with the peace and joy from God, and leaning on God everyday, I have the confidence to go through all these difficulties!
May God’s grace come upon you and your family!
Ronald
回 想 當 初 信 耶 穌 的 經 歷 時，可 以 稱 得 上 是『神 即 時 回 應』來 形 容。
2002年 的 時候，我 是 一 名 保 險 從 業 員，曾 經 有 過 不 錯 的業 績。但 自 從 亞 洲 金 融 風 暴 之 後，經 濟 環 境 真 的 不 太 好。 而 當 時 的 我，也 因 為 自 己 不 善 理 財，錯 誤 投 資 等 因 素，竟 漸 漸 走 向 要 不 斷 借 貸 的 惡 性 循 環 之 中。
在 這 種 情 況 下，我 的 心 情 也 非 常 之 差。但 在 工 作 上，我 仍 然 需 要 面 對 客 人，外 表 裝 作 正 面 積 極，處 之 泰 然。 但 是 當 獨 處 的 時 候，我 卻 是 一 個 不 折 不 扣 的 喪 家 狗，心 裡 十 分 難 過，感 覺 就 快 要 崩 潰 似 的。
『當 人 的 路 行 到 盡 頭 時，神 的 大 能 就 開 出 一 條 新 路』。 有 一 日 坐 在 巴 士 的 上 層，忽 然 見 到 有 個 寫 著 『凡 勞 苦 擔 重 擔 的 人，可 以 到 我 這 裡 ，我 便 會 使 你 們 得 安 息』的 招 牌。 那 一 刻 心 裏 有 一 個 想 法，若 果 真 的 可 以 讓 我 安 然 地 休 息，我 都 很 想 認 識 這 位 耶 穌。
隨 後 的 一個 星 期，奇 妙 的 事 情 就 發 生 了。竟 然 一 連 有 三個 基 督 徒 向 我 傳 福 音，第 一 個 是 我 的 同 事，他 邀 請 我 到 紅 館 參 加 佈 道 會，到 結 束 後，我 心 裏 有 點 感 動，但 表 面 仍 不 為 所 動，並 婉 拒 同 事 的 好 意。第 二 個 朋 友 邀 請 我 到 她 教 會，我 亦 一 口 拒 絕。第 三 個 朋 友 的 邀 請 卻 令 我 無 法 拒 絕，因 他 邀 請 時 只 說 是 一 個 對 男 性 有 切 身 關 係 的 講 座，題 目 是『男 士 要 面 對 的 三 個 G…Girl, Gold, Grade』，講 者 是 某 大 公 司 的 高 層。我 覺 得 這 題 目 相 當 吸 引，而 最 重 要 的 是，我 這 位 朋 友 正 準 備 加 入 我 的 保 險 團 隊，當 時 為 了 建 立 互 信 和 多 些 互 相 了 解，就 認 為 在 情 在 理 都 值 得 一 去 罷。
到 達 後 不 久，才 發 覺 是 基 督 教 的 聚 會！心 想，既 來 之、 則 安 之 吧。當 結 束 時 ，他 們 竟 熱 情 地 邀 請 我 信 耶 穌， 而 我 亦 慣 地 拒 絕，但 他 們 卻 不 斷 的 鼓 勵 我 信 耶 穌，結 果 糾 纏 了 一 段 時 間 後，我 認 真 地 思 考 了 一 些 問 題：這 群 不 論 學 識、階 層、財 務 上 都 較 我 優 勝 的 朋 友，他 們 都 覺 得 需 要 信 耶 穌，那 麽，可 能 真 的 有 些 事 係 我 不 知 道 的，再 者， 他 們 說 只 要 口 裏 承 認，心 裏 信 就 可 以 了。更 加 不 用 入 會 費，各 方 面 都 不 見 得 有 任 何 損 失 呀！更 可 以 擴 大 生 活 圈 子 呢！當 時，我 就 是 以 這 樣 的 心 態，踏 出 人 生 的 重 要 一 步 ，而 決 志 信 耶 穌 的。
信 主 後，我 卻 親 身 經 歷 到 得 着 從 神 而 來 的 能 力，一 步 一 步 去 改 變，包 括 家 人 的 關 係、財 務、與 人 溝 通、面 對 逆 境 等 都 有 成 長。雖 然 經 濟 上 的 困 境 未 有 即 時 改 變，但 內 心 得 到 前 所 未 有 的 平 安！記 得 決 志 當 晚 在 回 家 的 路 上， 心 跳 得 很 厲 害，心 情 亦 很 興 奮，感 覺 好 像 已 得 到 了 一 切，其 他 事 情 已 不 再 重 要 似 的！這 就 是 從 神 而 來 的 喜 樂 呀！
往 後 當 然 並 非 一 帆 風 順，但 因 有 着依 靠，有 信 心 可 以 安 然 渡 過 每 個 的 難 關，最 重 要 是 學 會 怎 樣 去 愛，因 神 就 是 愛。現 在，我 的 太 太 和 兩 個 女 兒 都 已 信 主 了！
願 神 一 切 豐 盛 的 恩 典 ，臨 到 你 和 你 的 家 人！
Ronald
Tags: christian, church, church life, shatin, shatin church, 基督教, 教會, 沙田, 活動
Category 見證分享 Testimony |
12 Dec, 2010 | Author: steven | Enter your password to view comments.
Tags: christian, church, church life, shatin, shatin church, 基督教, 教會, 沙田, 活動
Category 網上資源庫 |
Editor’s notes: Some of the contents in this article may arouse uncomfortable feelings among some readers. The reason why we published these details is because we wish to let our readers know that, the power of darkness exists, and is real. However, there is true light in this world and the true light will have final victory! God is in total control!
*******
When I was in Form 1, many things were new to me, I was therefore too busy to allow my “friend” to visit me.
By that time, many young boys like me have curiosity towards evil spirits. Once we went to picnic in the countryside. Everybody just followed what others said and went searching for a “ bloody scarf “. Why did we have to do this? Why do people have to keep doing something which they knew they shouldn’t? Just for curiosity! Of course, nothing could be found.
I have also tried to play with the “ coin spirit “ and the “ pencil spirit “ (This is something similar to fortune telling, that a spirit has entered a coin or a pencil to allow it to answer people’s questions by its movements.) Later, some of my friends suggested that we should play a more exciting one – the “ plate” spirit. (Several people gather together and put a small plate on a piece of newspaper. They put their hands on the plate at the same time. Then they will ask some questions to the plate. It was believed that the plate will move by itself on the newspaper and will stop at the characters, which shows the answer) I am a person who believes in my own critical thinking. I would never believe in such “magic”. I thought, there must be one of us using his or her own strength to move the plate. However, unfortunately, we felt that the plate was moving by itself instead. All of us tried to move it back to the right place but without success. All of us were very frightened. During this time, I would take shower once I got home from school, because I would feel more secure to take show at daytime!
Later, I have encountered some very unexplainable thing. One day, I was walking from school to home. I was very frightened. Because the path I used to pass by everyday was very different that day. It used to be very busy everyday. But that day, it was very quiet and no one was there. I saw a woman in front of me from a distance. I tried to walk closer to her so that I might feel better. Then I passed her and was walking in front of her. She had long hair and was about 30 years old. As I was walking in front of her, I started to feel something strange. She was speaking in some language,which I could not understand, and was spitting at the two sides!
So I started to walk faster. But as I walked faster, I could feel that she was walking faster behind me as well. Finally, I felt very annoyed. So I turned around and scolded at her, “ What are you trying to do? Enough! “ But I was stunned by what I saw. It was an old woman with white hair and a pair of glasses. I ran as fast as I could to escape. Finally, I saw some people there and was a little bit relieved. So I turned back to see. But to my big surprise, the path I just passed through was not quiet at all, many people were walking there instead!
As soon as I got home, I looked seriously ill. My family members could imagine that I have met some evil spirits. So they immediately gave me some herbs and tea, which was offered to false gods, because they wanted to help me clam down.
After a while, I have forgotten this.
One day, I felt very uncomfortable again. I could feel that my “ friend “ was coming to visit me again. I was in total chaos. But I need to attend PE class and had to do hurdling. When it was my turn, as I was running towards the frame, suddenly my mind went blank. I couldn’t see anything. Only white in front of my eyes. Of course, I couldn’t jump over the frame, but instead broke my right arm. I was under great pain and was treated for a few months.
By this time, fear has left me. My friend, who was out of my control, stopped visiting me too. Why? Because the pain I was suffering killed the fear!
What is my next challenge? Could I survive these challenges? Losing both grand parents in the same day. Was this a co-incident?
Next Chapter … Don’t ask me who I am (4) I lost them….
Mr. Ice cream
編者按 ： 本文有部份內容可能會引起讀者不安。然而，我們出版這些情節，目的是想讓讀者們知道，雖然黑暗的勢力是存在的，但這世界卻有真光，而那真光是最終都會勝利的！神會掌管一切的！
＊＊＊＊＊
在我中一的時候，對我來說，很多都是新奇的事物，所以我就沒有時間容讓我那位朋友前來探訪我。
那時的風氣和現在不同，男孩子都喜歡英雄主義、聯群結黨、欺負弱小、甚或是鬼神之說，很好奇的想去找出或接觸鬼神之真相等等。有一次全校去郊野公園旅行，因一傳十，十傳百的緣故，大家都去找什麼飄來飄去的染血絲巾，為的只是滿足人們對鬼怪的好奇心，明知是不應去接觸，也都想試試。當然，他們也找不着什麼。
而我亦在那時，跟同學去玩一些銀仙、筆仙的玩意。為何我會玩這些東西？我自己也不知道，可能真的是風氣影響吧。因我一向都是會用腦去思考不同事物的人，所以最初玩的時候，我絕對認為只不過是某人用自己的力度，去控制而做出來的把戲罷了。玩了不久，又有人提議不如玩更刺激的碟仙。有一次，不幸地，我們竟發現了那些不定向的走動原來不是人為的！因為這次我們都想返回某個位置才放手，但我感到一股好強大的力量，我想用我自己的手力推回某位置，但就是不能！當時不只我一個，而是大家都感到很異常，都想合力推回某位置，但最終也是失敗，而大家也唯有放手了。事後，每個人都非常害怕。我更是一放學回家便去洗澡，因為還是白天，感覺會安全一些！
又某一日，這次是我第一次接觸到一些不可思議的事，使我不得不相信這是存在的。有一天，我在地鐵站步行回家，當時大約在下午五時至七時左右。我平時都會經過這條路的，但這天當我行經此路時，我十分懼怕，因為不知為何這條路十分寂靜，街上竟然連一個人也沒有。於是我四周觀看，在我前面約五十米左右有一個人，這時我便加速前行，因為這樣我會覺得有安全感一些。我越來越近這個人，我在後面看，是一個長頭髮的女人，年約三十左右吧，於是我追到了她，而且再行快一些超越她，目的是如果我在她前面，而她在我後面，我會感到好一些。
過了幾秒後，我感覺到那身後的女人說了一些我完全聽不懂的話，而且我感覺到她不斷在我身邊吐一些液體，不知是口水還是什麼。這時，我感有點不對勁，就把我的腳步加速，但同時，我也感到她也正在加速，並且仍是在說一些類似唸咒和吐一些水在地上。
因我當時年少氣盛，我終於忍不住停了下來，一轉身便立刻用粗言穢語問候她，我說 : “你吐完未呀，想怎樣? ”這時，我頓時呆了，因為在我面前的，竟是一個短髮而且全頭白髮的婆婆，而且還配上一副眼鏡！這時我心知不妙，毛骨悚然，而她也沒有回應我的說話，只是在繼續喃喃自語！
我便立刻回頭，以我最大的能力極速地跑，在很短時間內，我又跑了幾十米，終於見到很多人，這時我的心才稍定下來。於是我便立刻向後望，而這時的情景，更令我意想不到，因為原來我剛剛經過的地方是有很多人在下棋、漫步等！
之後我回了家，我的家人發現我的表情呆呆滯滯，他們亦猜到我是遇上了什麼污穢的東西，於是他們即時給我飲用一些定驚茶和珍珠沙等，為的是使我安定下來。
過了不多的日子，此事又給我忘記了。
又某一天，我的心很不自在，我知道我那朋友又很想來探望我，我整個人都是在混混亂亂的狀態中，但我要上體育課，還要跳欄！在輪到我的時候，我只是一直的向前跑。不知為何，當我預備跳的時候，在我眼前的，竟是什麼都看不到，只看到一片空白！結果，我跳不過欄，還跌斷了右手，於是要接受幾個月的治療！
這時，恐懼和那位時不時不容我控制的朋友都暫時離開了我。因為那受傷的劇痛，竟抑制了恐懼！但過了不久，我又要面對新的挑戰！是甚麽挑戰呢？
<下一集強勢預告> 同一日之內失去兩位親人？是命運還是巧合？這事對我有甚麽影響？
下一集，別問我 是誰（4） <雙失>
兵奇臨
***
編者按 : 親愛的讀者，看到這裏，可能你會感到很不安，甚至恐懼。如果你有這樣的情緒反應，那是十分正常的。我自己作為編輯的，在沒有任何的預警之下，第一次看到這篇文章，難受了整整一個星期，我甚至有點生作者的氣！但後來我被理性說服了，所以才決定出版這一篇，希望你們能體諒！
是甚麽說服了我呢？試想想，若有其他人是跟作者是有類似的遭遇的，我這個不知痛苦為何物的人，可以想像到他們，和他們的親人、朋友的痛苦嗎？ 如果有一個，那怕就只有一個，我們都希望他知道他不是孤單的，都希望他能因着作者的見證而得救的，若是這樣，那就是值得的。
所以，請你們務必要看到大結局，你就會知道耶穌是唯一的真神這句話本身就是真理！衪是多麼的得勝！
還有，我明白你們會很關心作者的情況，我可以告訴大家，他現在很安好，而且英明神武、風趣幽默！代他向大家講聲 ” 謝謝關心！ “
Tags: christian, church, church life, shatin, shatin church, 基督教, 教會, 沙田, 活動
Category 見證分享 Testimony |
My friend came to visit me again…who is he? Why did it happen at such a young age? Why didn’t God give me a second chance?
One day, I asked my father when we were eating in a Chinese restaurant.
“ Daddy, what is the meaning of life? If everybody ends up dying some day, why do we have to come to this earth? “
My Dad was a bit stunned by my question. “ Why do you have this thinking? “
“ I don’t know. It is just inside my mind all the time. “
“ Ok….you have your family, you have your friends. Different people will have different destiny. Some people may become heroes and be remembered by many other people afterwards. That could be the meaning of life! “
“ Dad, do you believe that there is a God in this world? “
“ Yes, but not only one god, there are many gods too ….but, I think, all religions teach us to be good people. And you will follow what you believe too. For example, if you believe in Buddhism, you will have lives after lives. If you believe in Jesus, you will go to heaven someday! “
After talking with my father, I had this thinking in my little mind. Many people believe in a certain religion because they need to find something to rely on, so as to fill the emptiness in their hearts. I had shared my trouble with my friends. All they said was, “ Forget this! Let’s have fun! “ I had also shared my doubts with my teacher. She asked me why I would have this thinking, was it because I have encountered some difficulties, or was life very hard for me. However, I just could not describe my situations to my teacher. And, of course, I could not get any answer too.
Why so young?
When I was about 9 or 10 years old, one day, grandma told me, the kid next door drowned in the swimming pool and died. My reaction was, why? How could this happen at such a young age?
There was a girl living on the same floor near my home. She was very talented. She managed to acquire Grade 7 in piano straight from Grade 4 when she was still very young. However, she started to play with some naughty kids and gave up schooling.
When I was about in Form 1, one day I met her on our floor and we had a conversation. That was what she said,
“ Life is so boring just playing all the time. I will go out tonight and play with them for the very last time. Tomorrow morning after I wake up, I will go out to find a school. I want to go back to school and I want to get to Grade 8 too. “ I felt happy for her. I thought, this was good that she regretted and would start a good life again!
However, the next day, we read this in the newspaper. She was in a hurry and didn’t bring her own hamlet, but used her friend’s hamlet. A car knocked her down and the hamlet was gone. And she was gone forever!
I have very deep reflection on this. Have you ever encountered something still here today, but will be disappear tomorrow? She has already known that she was wrong and she wanted to do it right again! Why didn’t God give her one more chance? This has very strong influence on me.
Shortly after this, I saw her mother. She looked so sad and so old. Her hair turned white almost overnight. Her sadness was so deep.
I learnt that one could never bring anything away with him when he leaves this world. Some people leave something good for other people when they pass away. But some people only leave sorrow and hurts behind to others when they died. What she had left to her mother was sorrow and sufferings. Her mother could never forget what had happened.
By that time, I learnt many poems in our Chinese studies. There were so many talented poets. But many of them also ended up in misery. This had reinforced my thinking that, human being is so small and life is so meaningless.
What is coming next? I have encountered something, which were totally mysterious. This had brought great fear to me…. my friend came to visit me again. I had no way out but to hurt myself because I found painfulness could kill fear!
Next chapter, “ Don’t ask me who I am, pain kills fear”
Mr. Ice cream
我 的 朋 友 又 來 探 訪 我 了……他是誰？為何如此的年輕？是否天意弄人？
有一天, 我在酒樓和爸爸說:
『 我覺人生好冇意義，人最後都要死亡的，那生存有什麼意思呢? 』
爸爸有點突然，說: 『 你為何有這樣的想法？』
『 不知道，它就是在我的腦袋裏！』
『 你有家人，有朋友，不同的人一生都會有不同的事情，有些偉人會名留千古，這些已是意義的所在啦！』
『 爸爸，你信不信這世界上有神存在呢？』
『 相信，而且不只一位神。世界上有好多的神，而大部份的宗教都是導人向善。你相信什麼，就會跟隨那宗教走的，例如，信佛教，就會輪迴轉世；信耶穌會上天堂啦！』
那時，小小的我，在心中有了這小小的看法 ── 很多人都會信某種宗教，是因為人總要找一些去信靠，以填補心中的無奈和虛空。我有把我的疑惑告訴我的同學，他們完全不明白，『 玩耍吧 ! 』就是他們的反應！ 我亦和老師談論過，老師問我為何有這樣的想法，是因何事呢？遇到甚麽困難嗎？是生活過得不好嗎？但當時我根本不懂形容我的狀況給老師聽，亦因得不着什麼答案而感到很無奈。
為何如此的年輕？
大約在我九、十歲左右，有一天，我聽祖母說，鄰居的孩子在泳池浸死了，我即時的反應是，為甚麽會這樣的呢？這麼年輕已不在了！
住在我隔壁的女孩子，是一個有天才的人，她懂彈鋼琴，考了GRADE 4，就直考到GRADE 7了。可是，後來卻認識了別的朋友，就成了一般人看來的壞女孩，所以很早已絕學了。
大約到了我中一的時候，有一天，我在走廊遇到她，大家問候一下，估不到她對我說 : 『 唉 ! 玩了這麼久了，來來去去都是這樣，好悶！挺沒意思的，我玩埋今晚，明天我會找學校，讀返書和考埋個8級鋼琴！』我想，不錯啊！她回頭了，是一件好事！.
但第二天，我們看見報紙的報導，她因趕時間沒有帶着一向用的電單車頭盔，卻用了別人的電單車頭盔。怎料在晚上遇上車禍，被反彈了過對面行車線，再被車撞到！頭盔掉了！人也沒了！
這次的事情，令我有很大的感觸，是我第一次遇到和真正感受到 『 今日還在，誰知，明日卻消失得無影無踪 』的事情。這時，我有一個想法，.一個人想回頭做好人，上天是否說不給予機會就不給予呢？常說，人誰無過，只要肯改就會有生機。但這刻，我只感到天意弄人！她走了，是無可改變的事實。這件事，不知不覺對我日後都有所影響。
有一天，我看見她的媽媽，我終於明白什麼叫做一夜白頭，她媽媽老了很多，這份哀傷是那麼的深而長久，是沒法騙人的。
這時，我又學懂了一些，一個人死了，可說是什麼都帶不走，但留下來的，可以是希望或是傷害。但對她媽媽而言，肯定是絕對是悲痛。因為到十幾年後，我仍感到她媽媽是放不低她的。
這時，在中學的課本裏，又有好多好棒的詩人。但很多到最後都是說甚麽仕途失意、懷才不遇、借酒消愁、人生苦短…..使我更加有這樣的感覺，使我更加覺得人生是好渺小的……
<下一集強勢預告> 遇上一些不可解釋的事，帶給我的恐懼…..朋友突來探訪，我用痛楚換走那不可思議的事情所帶來的恐懼，是好還是害呢？
下一集，別問我 是誰 3<痛楚抑制恐懼 >。
兵奇臨
Tags: christian, church, church life, shatin, shatin church, 基督教, 教會, 沙田, 活動
Category 見證分享 Testimony |
27 Nov, 2010 | Author: steven | Enter your password to view comments.
Tags: christian, church, church life, shatin, shatin church, 基督教, 教會, 沙田, 活動
Category 網上資源庫 |
” My boy is gifted. However, he doesn’t like to study. This is a disadvantage under the education system in Hong Kong. No matter how hard we as parents try to build his confidence, whenever he compares his academic results with his peers, he lost his self-confidence. He is just not ready yet. ”
” My girl is very good at dancing. Whenever there is performance or dancing examination, she just couldn’t stand those boring practices. I think I shouldn’t force her to keep dancing if she doesn’t want. However, I am still wondering if I am doing the right thing. ”
” My kid’s English proficiency is very strong. I want her to perform well in Chinese studies as well. However, I stopped and think, is our expectation too much? We always have expectation to our kids. Shall we let go and let God do what He wants? ”
” We really have to rely on God. Sometimes, we think that all the credits should go to ourselves, that is, it is our efforts that bring such good performance to our kids. Shall we think the other way, God can do what we cannot do! ”
Our prayers: Our heavenly father, we are so thankful that we can gather together and share our doubts and worries. We as parents, now, do not know your plans toward our kids. But we pray that You will give us the wisdom to help our kids fulfill Your will in their lives.
” 孩 子 有 優 厚 的 潛 質，就是不愛讀書，在香港的教育制度下很吃虧，無論父母怎樣努力去建立他的信心，每當他望望自己的成續，知道自己不如人，自信心就下滑了。他就是未準備好，未開竅 ，唉！”
” 我的孩子有舞蹈天份，但參加舞蹈班時，每逢表演或考試，她就耐不住那些刻板式的訓練。我就由她了。但心中不免掙扎，我這樣由得她，是否浪費了她的天份，而沒做好媽媽督導她的本份呢？ 如果她將來大了想努力，但缺乏基礎，我會不會很自責呢？”
“孩子英文了得，我希望她的中文也能進步，但其實只是期望，做父母常有很有期望，其實自己要調校角度，擺得太多時間和期望也不好。要放手，多啲俾孩子自己負責任。”
” 我們做父母的真要學習放手給神，當然不是放任啦，而是，如果樣樣都以為是父母努力栽培的，那還有甚麼意思呢？就是叫我們知道，我們做不到的，神自有衪的計劃，如果衪要成就，衪就會成就。 ”
我們的禱告 : 天父，很多謝祢給我們這群媽媽有機會在此一起分享和禱告。袮在我們孩子生命中的旨意，我們現在不能看透。求祢賜智慧給我們，讓我們能助我們的孩子，完成祢在他們生命中的旨意！
Tags: christian, church, church life, shatin, shatin church, 基督教, 教會, 沙田, 活動
Category 伉儷活動 |
Everybody has friends. Your friends will surely visit you from time to time. I have a friend too. He also visited me from time to time. Who is he ?
I was born in a very healthy family. I lived with my parents, grandparents, auntie and brother. I had a lot of questions in my mind all the time. If I could not get the answer, I would not stop asking. When I was about 3 to 4 years old, I would question, “Which one comes first, the chicken or the egg? “ “How was I born to this world?” “I would ask my mother, “Who is your mother? “ My mum answered, “Your grandma! “ Then I asked, “Who gave birth to grandma? “ My mum answered, “Your grand-grandma! “Then who gave birth to grand-grandma?” “Our ancestors!” “Who are our ancestors? Who are the ancestors of our ancestors……….? “
My mum surrendered and said, “You will know when you grow up.”
Once when I was playing with my brother, I asked him, “Why will people die? Where will they go after death?” My brother was only a little bit older than me, how could he answer my question? He said, “You will know when you grow up.” I asked mum the same question later. Mum said, “Be a good person. A good person will go to heaven; a bad person will go to hell. You have to be a successful and a good person, doesn’t let other people look down upon you.” Now I understand that she must have been upset by some other people and thus said this to me. But she would not know that what she said had a deep influence on me.
I had a lot of assumptions toward life and death, heaven and hell since I was a small kid. I searched for the answers and I couldn’t get rid of these questions in my mind. Gradually, fear, anxiety, helplessness, and empty feelings started to grow within in my heart. I was in great pain and this pain just grew up with me.
I studied in Christian schools. I had a teacher, Ms Lee, who gave me a nickname as “balsam pear “(meaning bitterness). I did not agree to this. I behaved well and my performance in school was very good. In fact, I was a very playful kid.
There was morning assembly at my school everyday. They always talked about you must believe in Jesus, so you will have eternal life. If you do not believe in Jesus, you will go to hell and be burnt forever! I was only in primary three, but eternal life, eternal death, infinity… etc. concepts were in my mind all the time, making me very painful.
My friend came to visit me, much earlier than I expected ! I have discussed about my friend with my peers, my teacher and my father. My friend is ……..
What’s coming next? My friend always had different thinking from others ! Will he leave me someday ? Encounter with death for the first time….. What would come after seeing all these deaths? What was the impact on me? Keep on reading the next chapter!
Mr. Ice cream
我 相 信 每 一 個 人 都 會有自己的朋友，而朋友亦不時會探望你，你們有否記起第一位朋友是誰嗎 ? 我有一位朋友，久不久就會來探望我，他是誰？
我生於一個健康的家庭，自小和爸爸、媽媽、祖父、祖母、姑姐、哥哥同住，不知為何我總是有很多問題，找不出答案是不會心息的。當我還是三、四歲左右，我已問：有雞還是有蛋先？我是怎樣被生出來的？我會問媽媽：『阿媽，是邊個生你出來？』媽媽回答說：『是你婆婆囉！』我會再問：『婆婆又是誰生的？ 』 媽媽回答說：『咪你太婆囉！』我會再問：『太婆是誰生的？』『太婆的太婆，即是誰？』媽媽回答說：『這些是祖先。』當然，我不會放過她，再問：『祖先是誰生的？祖先的祖先即是誰呢？』當然我媽媽只好無奈地說：『你日後長大了就會明白。』
又有一次，當我和哥哥玩耍時，我無心地問起哥哥：『人為何要死？死後去那？』但按當時哥哥的年紀又怎會懂得回答，他也只好說：『大個就會明白。』後來，我再有機會，便再問媽媽同樣的問題，媽媽當時說：『做一個好人，好人會上天堂，壞人會下地獄。』還說：『不要衰俾人睇，要生性。』我相信她當時必定是受了別人的氣，所以才說這些話。然而，她沒想過這些話卻對我造成了不少影響。
我那時這麼年少，已對生、老、病、死、天堂、地獄等有了很多想像和假設，也不斷的去尋找答案 ，而且還時常想到不能抽身的地步，以致產生了一種無法解釋的不安、無奈、空虛、恐怖的痛楚，這相比流血的痛苦更難受多倍，而那種不安感更一直地陪伴著我成長。
我小、中學都是在基督教學校就讀的。小學時我有位李老師，她給我起了個花名叫「苦瓜干」，她說我時常好COOL。我並不認同這名字，因為我畢竟也是個愛玩的孩子！在老師面前是一個考前十名的好學生，當然真實的我不是這樣！
我的學校每天都有早會，都是唱詩歌和講道，且常常講要信靠主耶穌，因為信耶穌得永生，可享有永不死的生命，直到永遠；而不信的要下地獄，承受不滅的蟲和不滅的火！當聽到這些時，只有二、三年級的我，便更是不能自禁的對永生、永死、永遠、永久、無限等字眼特別地有感覺。這些概念更在短時間內一條龍的閃進我腦海裡。
我這朋友提早來探望我了，我也有和同學、老師、爸爸等提起我這位朋友。我的朋友原來是……
《下一集強勢預告》：我這位朋友，有與別不同的想法？這位朋友會離我而去嗎 ? 第一次接觸死亡，我的感覺是怎樣？接二連三的死亡事件，接着的是甚麽？對當時年紀這麼小的我，有什麼影響？有勞追看。
下一集，別問我 是誰 2 總給我遇見。
撰文：兵奇臨
Tags: christian, church, church life, shatin, shatin church, 基督教, 教會, 沙田, 活動
Category 見證分享 Testimony |
